How fucked up can you be in the head if you call me fake but here you are being someone else, commenting on my life, like you matter. You don't, honestly I met you three times and in those times I was like meh, a new person. But here you are giving yourself importance, when I don't.

You can comment, read, pass judgement, but I don't care. Didn't you get that through your head, when you found out I lied? This isn't being honest with yourself, this is dragging dirt and mud into what was a clean argument that you seemed to be having with yourself, cause I wasn't aware this thing has been going on for two weeks. I moved on from it, because like you say you don't care, I actually don't.

Harmony? Ha... are you kidding me? How many friends do you have? Can you count that low? Didn't think so, why don't you have friends? Not because you're honest, don't fool yourself. So don't pass judgement on me and why I have friends, you're not in a position to judge.

Read all you want, if you think you pushed my buttons you haven't seen me mad, oh ya cause we're not friends, I don't get how you got that idea in your head. I didn't ask you to open yourself up to me, you called me remember? And just because we went through the process of loosing someone, nothing and I mean nothing will make us alike. We have one thing in common and that's it.

If I want attention that's my own prerogative, I didn't say hey, pay attention to me. So let your "zen" blood boil I don't care. I didn't lie, I told you what you wanted to hear, and you ate it up like you had not eaten in days, it made me smile actually, because you think you're this and that, but in the end, it's a fake mask you wear to keep people away. If I use and manipulate people well then that's my problem, and their problem, not yours so don't butt in.

I didn't ask for your help. Where the hell where you when my mom died, you knew me. Where the hell where you when I actually needed someone? Oh ya you're a friend when you want to be, but friendships don't work that way. No wonder you don't have any friends, besides your boyfriend, who I'm pretty sure he's only with you for sex, since your personality is negative, no matter how positive you try to make it, it's negative.

You don't know shit, about whether or not I'm struggling. Ohh, I pissed you off I'm scared. Get over it, fuck it's been two weeks, don't you have a life, something else to focus on besides someone, who's not your friend, who you have no clue about. Guess not cause you're still reading this.

What I do with my friends is really my own business, but I think I need royalties for having my blog quoted in your rant. Don't you think? Especially when the whole thing is about me, and you're trying to save face by making it about you in what two or three lines.

You'd drop everything to be here? Really? I find that so hard to believe because I have friends that have done that, have actually dropped their work shifts, and their studying and came to me when I didn't even know what planet I was on. So where were you? As I think about it I don't know, and I don't care. But I hope it opens your eyes to your own actions that aren't as great and mighty as you might think.

Next time you want HELP with your problems keep my name out of it. You don't know me, you said you wished you didn't know me and never met me. Yeah you met me and you've talked to me, about nothing important I might add, but you don't know me, so why not instead of focusing on me and being so negative, which is so pointless right now, since you're being negative with yourself.

Stronger then me? Ha...hun don't fool yourself please, we're not in a competition, so if you're running for the finish line of healing and being stronger run ahead, cause I'm taking my time. It's my life, like you've said. So move on and live yours without worrying about me being selfish or walking all over my friends.

<3
XOXO
A very calm
Lonelylovegirl

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of my mom's death. And I want to crawl into my closet close the door and hope with every fiber of my being she'll be the one to open the door and get me up, hug me and tell me she loves me. I miss her so much, I don't think I could of ever understood before how much she meant to me and now it's to late to tell her, it's to late to hug her and love her.

So I'm sitting at my computer at 5 in the morning, by now she would of logged in on msn to see if I was still online and yell at me to go to bed, because I have class. But she's gone and I feel alone. I feel like I'll never be happy or complete again. And truth be told if I had a bottle of pills right now I'd have downed it and would be waiting for the numbness to kick in.

I just don't want to feel pain anymore. I don't want to hurt I don't want to miss her but I do. I miss her a lot. Now I can't stop crying, so I'll lul myself to sleep slowly thinking that she's not dead (since it's the only thought that allows me to go to sleep that and pure exhaustion) I'll dream of her, then wake up and face reality all over again.

I guess this is a much sadder entry then before.

<3
XOXO
LonelyLoveGirl